Saturday, May 5, 2012

What...Wait...WHAT?



The other day I was watching Air Force One (yes, I like that kind of "stuff") while building up a particularly complicated piece of IKEA furniture and I found myself thinking about those typical movie scenes where you think "yes, sure" and "what on earth" and "this again?" and "why? just why?".

The wire cutting. This is the scene on Air Force One that triggered this post. Yellow, Blue, Green, Red...how often have we seen the destiny of our heroes been decided by this silly choice? Just like picking a purse or a tie for the day.


The dark stairs to the basement. Ok yes, girl in a shower towel, you don't know you are in a horror movie; but still, why would you walk down the stairs to your basement with the lights off after hearing weird noises? WHY?!?

Why up and not down? Another stairs related WTF. Our hero is running, right? He does not want to get caught by the bad guys right before he gets to save the world or the girl or whatever. And yet, trapped in the tallest building ever, he decides to run UP instead of DOWN the freaking stairs. Hero, my friend, what on earth are you going to do once you reach the roof? Grow wings, of course. 

Because...because... Fun fact: people seem to be keen to make life changing revelations on their death bed, just a few seconds before breathing their last breath. Fun fact two: they never make it to tell you anything because they keep repeating how important it is you know and you listen, then they say because a hundred times and then they die. And thank you very much.


Cool guys don't look at explosions. Will Ferrel made a funny song out of this during a show. Cars, trains, houses, the entire planet may blow up in a colossal explosion, but the real badass slowly and carelessly walks away from it, as if the flames raging behind him were a nice bone-fire.

Tiny cars, huge explosions. Another explosion related WTF. How can a Mini Cooper make such a big mess when it explodes?! I know nothing about physics but, in general, how can a car blowing up make the same explosion as Namek?

Talk instead of shooting. This is another one that gets a lot of parodies. Out of all the moments he could pick in a 2 hours movie, the villain has to choose to explain his reasons when he has the hero's head on the line, ready for cutting. How else would the hero win otherwise?

Ankle grab. Good: you managed to take the bad guy down: you are almost safe! So why on earth would you stay in the same house? And, above all, why are you walking by him? How can you be sure he is dead or out cold? In fact, he is not and he is gonna grab you by your ankle and put you down. That's what you get for making stupid decisions.


Stand on the roof of running trains. Stand? Pfff, if it was just standing. Watching movies, we learn that you can run, fight, dance on the roof of a running train and that speed does nothing to you. Good to know. And it is good to know that you can also jump from a moving train with no consequences but a few scratches.

There would be a lot more: I am sure anyone can thing of another thousands. I would like to close with a movie-specific WTF. I was tempted to mention Loise Lane falling from a sky-scraper roof onto Superman's arms without breaking, but Sheldon Cooper and the guys said that first. Instead, my number one WTF, one that beats the hell out of all the ones you see in the Die Hards and the Mission Impossibles is the following:

Leave your 8 years old kid behind, on Christmas, twice in a row. There are no words for this, only a face:


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